Every Month

Mina has been out in the world for every month of the year and every season. My, how time flies! Where did the last ten months go? I'm content and happy for the most part. Jon is very busy with residency so I'm a single mom more than I'd like at times, but that's what we expected. I'm so glad we didn't wait any longer to start trying. I don't even have baby fever at the moment. Mina has been sleeping well for the last month. We had a tough time in July and August until we had to have her cry it out. That was terrible, but it worked. I'm not in a hurry to sacrifice sleep again.

As far as fertility issues go, we're not preventing, but not really trying right now. AF has made her return (and it was most spectacular if you like horror movies) and Jon is going to have surgery to fix him up in January. After that we might get lucky on our own. We'll see. I'd like to be pregnant again by June 2010 at the latest since that's when Jon is done with residency and we'll move away from our embryos.

So that's my update. Here's a picture of Miss Mina dressed up for her first Halloween. We had a fun time at the park taking pictures and she did some trick or treating to a few neighbors' houses.

The Fever

I have a case of baby fever at the moment. I met my friend Kim's baby boy yesterday and he was so adorable and tiny. I wish I could get pregnant right away. Mina would be 16 months by the time the baby would come. LOL! This will pass in a few days and then I'll be able to stick to my very reasonable plan of waiting.

And now for the TMI: Still no signs of AF and no ovulation. I take my temps sporadically just to see what's going on. Plus, at times there is a small chance of pregnancy if our timing was right. I'd say I'm 100% back to normal for daily activities and 30% back to normal in the bedroom. Maybe I should go to the doctor to see what can be done about the pain at my scar site during certain *ahem* activities. I never expected to still be in pain at more than 6 months out from delivery. Mina was worth it though!

Four Months

Mina is four months old today and life is pretty fantastic. She sleeps 10 hours straight at night, giggles frequently, smiles tons, and snuggles as much as we'll let her. We've been blessed with an easy baby. I appreciate her every day and hate to put her to bed at night because I miss her when I'm not with her. The only negative is that she's scared of strangers already, but that was bound to happen at some point. I'm truly enjoying being a mom and can honestly say she's worth everything we went through to get her and more.

I'm wearing jeans and comfortable in them for the first time today. I had worn them a few times before this, but I didn't button them and they hurt my bottom. I still have a lot of weight to lose. I haven't started exercising (other than walking) and my appetite is alarming. I'm not too worried about it at this point, but I definitely want to get into shape again. Nursing has shed a lot of pounds, but I don't think it's helping anymore.

AF hasn't made an appearance yet and I haven't ovulated. That's okay because the likelihood of me getting pregnant is so low. I don't need to start worrying about that already. I'd love to be pregnant again now. I held my friend Amanda's week old baby and it really made me want another tiny baby immediately. My friend Lynelle is expecting another baby in November so I'll have to live vicariously through her (again).

About 90%

I'd say I'm at about 90% healed now. Yay! Now that the weather is better I'm able to have much more fun with Mina. We went on a nice walk around the lake a couple of days ago. She smiled and cooed at me and I counted my blessings. I am one lucky mommy! She's sleeping well these days. Last night she had a 9.5 hour stretch which was awesome. I'll need to remember this for when we have our next kid - babies are much easier at a little past 2 months and it takes a few months for the body to heal. Here's a picture I took of Mina this morning (right after she had a big blowout in her diaper LOL).

Two Months Out

Things are continuing to go well. Mina is such a delight most of the time. She's really starting to get a personality and laughed for the first time yesterday. She's awake a lot more so we're doing what we can to entertain her. We had a great night last night. She watched Baby Mozart while Jon and I ate a nice dinner together. She snuggled us up and didn't cry for no apparent reason. I even had enough energy to do the laundry, do some shopping, and cook a dinner with side dishes.

I'm still not fully healed as I discovered when I got groceries a few days ago. For some reason, I usually am in so much pain after getting groceries that I cry on my way home. It sucks! It's been two months and I still feel at least some pain each and every day. I miss being able to work out, do normal activity, and be intimate with Jon. Don't get me wrong, Mina is worth it all, but I wasn't expecting the recuperation to take this long. My OB estimated that most of my healing would be done by the end of next week so I hope I continue to get better. In any case, I bought more baggy pants yesterday and some new tennis shoes.

My weight loss has stalled. I'm 7 pounds above my pre-pregnancy weight and I'd like to lose at least 18 pounds. I've had a crazy appetite for sweets lately and have been totally giving in to it so that certainly isn't helping matters. Jon has no idea what kind of yucky stuff I eat during the day. I'm sure he'd be horrified.

I'm so excited that the weather should be getting better soon. It'll be wonderful to go on walks outside! Euclid has been very neglected this winter. I'm also excited that it's almost April. Jon is taking a ton of vacation days in April and we're planning a trip to San Diego. I've never been to California or seen the Pacific Ocean before.

Life is Good

I snuggled Mina in bed for quite a while this morning. It's such a wonderful way to start my day. She smiles at me when I say "good MORNing," to her and she's usually in such a great mood before and after her first feeding. I'm really getting into the groove of things. I'm a better mommy every day. It definitely helps that I'm feeling better. My stitches don't sting anymore and I don't have to take Tylenol every day. I can go to the bathroom without fear of pain. I'm no longer bleeding either. I bet I'll be feeling like myself again in about a month. I'll start to exercise again sometime soon since I still have some weight I'd like to lose (about 18 pounds, 7 to get to my prepregnancy weight).

There are days that I cry from happiness. I feel so lucky to have Mina. Her smiles and coos just undo me. It was such a journey to get here and I'm not taking her for granted. She's my little miracle. Anytime she's fussy I think of my online friend Vicky. Triggers ahead (contains infant loss story). She was due within days of me and conceived with IVF also. She had her little girl via emergency c-section. Tragically, Zara died from meconium aspiration. That really scares me since Mina had expelled meconium and I was minutes from an emergency c-section. It could have so easily been me instead of Vicky mourning the loss of my sweet little girl. It's just too painful to even think about. I am sooooo lucky that I can hardly believe it. I think of Vicky every day. She's such a wonderful woman and it makes no sense to me why these things happen.

Since this post has already turned negative, I wanted to list somewhere while it's all fresh in my mind what I'd like to do differently with my next pregnancy.
-Get a doppler to use at home to hear the heartbeat. I think it would have really calmed me in the time before I felt baby movement and they aren't that expensive.
-Exercise more regularly. Maybe it would have moved Mina into a better position for delivery.
-Don't get my membranes stripped. That put me into labor and maybe Mina would have moved into a better position if she would have been given a few more days.
-Get the epidural sooner rather than later. I was in so much pain and puking that my body wasn't progressing (partly because of the back labor).
-Schedule a c-section if it's determined that the baby is in anterior position. I will not go through back labor and a forceps delivery again.
-Insist on an ultrasound near the end of pregnancy to determine baby's position.
-Get pregnant so that the due date is sometime in the spring or summer. That way I won't be stuck in the house with a small baby and toddler.

I truly enjoyed my pregnancy and there's very little I would change. The labor and delivery is where my regrets lie. However, I had no way of knowing what to expect since we didn't know Mina's position until it was too late.

6 Week Post Partum Appointment

TMI Ahead. I had my appointment yesterday and Dr. M said that I'm healing well. She said it'll still be quite a while before I'm completely healed. I didn't get the go ahead to have normal relations with Jon or to exercise. She said to wait at least a month since I still have a couple of stitches that haven't dissolved. At least the exam wasn't all that painful. I've been feeling better emotionally since last week. It helped to visit family and to have time with Jon last weekend. I miss him! I'm glad I'm not where I was at last year at this time. I was so worried that we'd never have a biological child and I'd never get to experience pregnancy. I loved being pregnant and I love being a mommy.

Mina has been a little sweetheart today. Here's a cute picture I took of her.

PPD, PTSD, or Normal?

I've been a little nutty the last week. I don't know if it's a touch of post partum depression, post traumatic stress disorder (yes, the labor experience was THAT bad), or just normal new mommy stuff. I have a lot of anxiety and stress over really little things. I get really angry at Jon for no reason or for reasons that he has no control over like his hours at work. I'm still in physical pain and can't walk for very long. My body hurts every other day and it seems to depend on whether TMI AHEAD! I've had a bowel movement recently or not. Today is one of those painful days so hopefully tomorrow will be better. I'm not looking forward to the car ride to FD tonight, but at least I've learned my lesson and will bring a pillow to sit on. It's hard for me to believe that many women are intimate with their husbands at 6 weeks post partum. Even if I felt good physically, I'd still be tired and irrationally angry.

Mina's baptism is on Sunday. The cousins will get to meet Mina on Saturday and I'm excited about that. I haven't gotten to see them for a long time. They're a big reason I wanted a kid so bad. Seeing such wonderful kids will probably get me out of my funk for a little while. I enjoy the baby stage, but I still look forward to the toddler/child stage when we can interact more. Mina is smiling every day so it's only a matter of time until she laughs and baby talks.

Pumping

We tried out the breast pump for the first time tonight. I sure feel like a cow that's been milked. We both got a big case of the giggles watching my nipple go in and out. Now we'll need to see if Mina will eat if her daddy gives her a bottle.

Jon is talking to Dr. P this weekend about possibly joining his practice in a couple of years. It would be nice to end up in FD, but I don't have my heart set on it. We're also going to be in FD this weekend for Mina's baptism.

I'm still recovering physically at 5.5 weeks. There's no way we'll be able to be intimate at the traditional 6 weeks. I guess I'm just lucky that I have control of my bodily functions considering how badly I tore. It really was a traumatic experience and I feel very sad when I think about my labor and delivery. It was bad enough for me to consider scheduling a c-section for next time to avoid the puking and tearing.

Back to Normal

It's nice to have my privacy back even though this will be published again someday. The post partum bleeding has finally stopped and I got some sleep last night so I'm in a good mood. Mina is upstairs sleeping in her crib listening to lullabies.

For future reference, I'd like to actively try to get pregnant again in the summer of 2009 so the earliest due date I'd have would be spring of 2010. That means we'll have to visit the RE sometime in the spring of 2009 to get the ball rolling. We won't prevent and I'll chart to know when/if to test prior to that, but I have no delusions that we'll get pregnant naturally. Now that we have Mina, I know that I'd rather not have a baby so soon with Jon's residency schedule. We both need our sleep and he can't be as much help as we'd like. Hopefully we won't have any problems with IVF, or at least will have time for a few attempts prior to him finishing his residency.

Going Private

Now that there isn't a whole lot to post and I'm so busy, I'm going to make this blog private again very soon. This website will no longer be active and I'll be moving to a new address that is yet to be determined. I figure that it's better to do it now instead of right before we start to try for baby #2 since we'll want our privacy while going through the IVF process again. Plus, I don't know how much I'll blog here anyway for the next year or so. My online friends are welcome to visit the new address since this website is partly for your support. Just let me know if you want the address.

Don't think you have us figured out from this post. We aren't trying to be sneaky. I'm going to get really annoyed if someone thinks we're trying for baby #2 already just because I'm changing the blog. Keep in mind that I had a fourth degree tear...and make your own conclusions about the possibility of a pregnancy. If you're super excited/interested to know more info about tears, then here is an informative, slightly nasty link. I know you'll miss my TMI posts. Hahaha. If you're pregnant, then don't visit the link. YOUR labor and delivery will be over in a couple of hours and you'll be kickboxing within a week of delivery.

Make sure you bookmark Mina's website if you haven't already because I'll try to keep that going strong. Hopefully my photography will improve once my subject is a little easier to pose.

Luckiest Daughter in Law

My in laws were here for the last few days and boy am I lucky! My house is now dusted (it had been about a month) and vacuumed. The snow was shoveled. I've been well fed and I'm pretty well rested. I really won the lottery when it comes to in laws. I'm glad that I was given the advice to never turn down help and to ask for it because it really has given me a boost of energy. Grandma Cathy changed countless diapers and got up in the night to rock Mina when I was too tired and needed a break. It was wonderful having extra hands during the day also. As much as I love Mina, it's nice to be able to hand her off to other loving hands. Her other grandparents are coming this weekend so that will be nice since Jon will be on call again on Saturday.

We think Mina might be smiling these days. She responds to kisses and strange noises. I tried to give her a pacifier this morning because she was snacking on me for an hour off and on. She wasn't interested, but hopefully that will change. She's also grown out of a couple things and is wearing a new outfit today that is sized 3 months instead of 0-3 months. That's exciting for me because she has lots of cute stuff that size.

Emily is trying to come up with the perfect name for her little boy that is due in June. She's making me itch to have another baby already! Too bad we're going to wait at least a year before doing anything. It'll probably be longer because I'd rather not have a winter due date again. It would be nice to be able to take baby on a walk outside, but it's ridiculously cold these days. Also, we tried to walk outside to get things moving in December, but it was very icy. I think a spring due date would be nice. There I go again...I never learned the lesson that I can't plan these things. It's kind of funny that I'm looking to the future when I'm still so sore that I can only shop around Target for about half an hour before wearing out. That's a testament to my baby obsession.

Life is Beautiful!

I was a little worried about getting the baby blues or post partum depression and so far I'm just one happy mommy. Sure, I get emotional at times, but having a baby is even better than I dreamed. I'm in love! I'm healing pretty well also.

Uh oh, I hear Mina crying on the baby monitor so I'll have to come back later.

Post Partum Pain

I went to the doctor today after Mina's appointment to get checked out since I'm still in pain from my cathetar. Dr. M says that I'm pretty "raw, but healthy" so unfortunately it's just going to take time. I was kind of hoping it was an infection so it could be treated. It's no fun feeling like my bladder is going to fall out when I stand up. She did say that my stitches are healing nicely.

Jon goes back to work tomorrow. Well, he's on call, so he could work tomorrow or he could have the day pretty well free. There's no telling. I'm not too scared of being alone with Mina since she's an easy baby, but things are definitely easier with him around. If I wasn't sore, then I wouldn't have any issue at all with taking care of her alone. At this point, I have problems standing up from the sitting position if I'm holding her though. I'll just need to adjust and heal.

Mina did a huge puke this afternoon after she fed. She was starving after our doctor appointments and ate too much too fast. She managed to soak my pants and shirt along with all layers of her own clothing. The Buddy was very interested in tasting both of us. Gross!

A Happy Mommy

I haven't blogged much lately, but I'm alive and happy, just not on the computer much. I can definitely tell my tear is healing and we're totally in love with Mina. She has been nursing very well, crying very little, snuggling lots, sleeping for 4 hour stretches at night, and responding to our voices/sounds. All of her eating has also helped me to lose 23 pounds so far. I feel like the incredible shrinking woman. I still have a long way to go, but I wore non maternity jeans (with the rubberband trick) yesterday.

I love this picture of our little family minus Euclid that was taken yesterday.

Mina's Website

Instead of posting pictures in two places, the website for you to visit to see Mina is this: http://minacatherine.blogspot.com/

Birth Story

This is copied from the post I made to my online friends. It might be TMI for some of you.

Short Story: Mina Catherine was born at 1:46am on December 29th. She was 7 lbs, 11oz and 20.5 inches in length. She’s extremely cute and worth everything we went through to get her. If anyone wonders about the pronunciation, Mina is pronounced me-nah, rhymes with Tina, Gina, etc.

Long Story: The labor was about 24 hours in length. Thursday morning I had my membranes stripped and was dilated 1.5-2 cm. I felt icky all day and had contractions here and there. I woke up Friday morning at about 1am having contractions that I couldn’t ignore every 5 minutes or so. I went and took a bath and let Jon sleep some more to see if they would regulate or go away. By 3am Jon was up with me timing contractions using contraction master and we went in to the hospital around 7am or so after I lost my mucous plug. They checked me and I was making progress. Unfortunately pain makes me puke so I was a real mess until I got my epidural around 2pm. I puked whenever I had to change position and couldn't keep water in my system. It didn’t help that I was having back labor. I slept all afternoon and progressed to about 8cm and stalled out. At this point they figured out the baby wasn’t quite in the perfect position so they tried to get her to move unsuccessfully. They weren't sure if she was transverse or sunny side up or a combination of the two. I started feeling pain and pressure (and nausea) again in the evening and went through hours of labor wanting to push and getting pitocin to try to get things moving again. My bag of waters broke in the afternoon (with assistance) and had miconium in it so they didn't want me to just lay around for too long. Finally they allowed me to push after I begged and wimpered and my personality came out from the fog of pain. The doctor said she’d give me two hours to push because the baby was sunny side up and because of the miconium. Baby's heartrate decelerated some so they kept having me change from side to side (making me puke some more) to get baby happier. I pushed my heart out and they couldn’t believe I got the hang of it after just a contraction or two. I decided before I even started pushing that I was going to be good at that part and I was right. Because of Mina’s position it still took a long time to get her to descend at all. The doctor stopped by and told me 20 minutes to baby or c-section and I said there was no way in hell I was getting a c-section after laboring that long. I pushed like my life depended on it and got her to descend far enough that the doctor felt comfortable attempting a forceps delivery.

With her position there was no way she was coming out without assistance. On came the forceps and out came the baby. She had to go to the NICU right away to make sure she didn’t aspirate miconium while I got stitched up (4th degree tear – ouch!). She was nice and healthy and I got to meet her a couple of hours later. We started to get the hang of nursing by midmorning and had lots of visiting family stop by. On Sunday Mina had a brief fever that slightly concerned the nurse. On Monday she had a fever again right as we were going to be released so they kept us and ran every test known to man on Mina, including a spinal tap. She seemed really healthy, but they wanted to make sure she didn’t have some sort of infection before they sent her home. Since Monday she hasn’t had a fever at all and has been doing everything well – eating, pooping, peeing, sleeping, crying, snuggling, etc. and they finally released us from the hospital on Wednesday night. We are so glad to be home. I can’t believe how lucky we are to have the little daughter we always wanted.

Home!

We got home last night and life is great. In fact, Mina hasn't cried so far today. She was a real screecher at the hospital so it's a nice switch. She's been eating well, pooping, and sleeping a lot today. Hopefully she isn't a terror tonight. It's so much easier to be a mom at home than at the hospital.

I have more pictures, but I just realized that I left the camera upstairs so I'll have to load them sometime soon. I'm still very, very sore and not as mobile as usual.

Jon starts his week of vacation on Saturday. I'm excited to have a lot of time for just the four of us (Euclid is still a member of the family). We'll also have some visitors I'm sure. I'll be feeling better and able to share the whole labor story and more pictures. I'm just not quite up to it yet. 4th degree tears are no fun! At least Mina seems to be the most perfect baby there is.

Brief Stop at Home

I'm home for the next five minutes so I thought I'd check in. Mina continues to do well and stump the doctors as to the reason for her twice found fever. It's intensely irritating to be stuck in the hospital with a seemingly perfectly healthy child, but at least she isn't sickly! She hasn't had a fever at all today and has been feeding like crazy.

Mina has her own website in the links section on the left (There's Something About Mina). I'll fix it up once we're released from the hospital.