Here we go again!

I started taking progesterone last night so I can get my period and get this show on the road. If all goes planned, then we'll be having a baby or two right around Thanksgiving of next year. I wasn't sure whether to let my body do the natural thing, but with my body there is no telling how many months before my period comes again. That's really nice when you're not trying to make a baby.

Yesterday I did some retail therapy in Davenport. I love New York & Company since their pants are so comfortable. I'm not sure what I'm going to do with myself today. I love winter break!

Christmas

I'm so glad that Christmas is over with. It was great seeing the family, but I really felt depressed. I hate having to act somewhat normal when I don't even really want to get out of bed. I just didn't want to ruin other people's holidays. The best part of visiting my family was getting snuggled by my niece Anya. She is such a sweetheart! She helped cheer me up some. We also enjoyed a couple of movies - The Pursuit of Happyness and Rocky Balboa.

Yesterday I got my last HCG level taken and it's negative. That means I can go back to normal with the doctor's blessings. We "celebrated" with sushi and beer last night. I'm really hoping that I ovulate soon so that I can sneak into the January/February IVF group instead of having to wait for the March/April cycle. I guess we'll just see. I'm pretty unlucky so most likely my period will start a day or two after it's too late. Gosh, I'm negative!

I go back to school on Jan. 3rd. I'm looking forward to getting my last semester of teaching over with. I'm planning to resign after this year and will be telling them at school in February. I don't know what I'll be doing with myself next year, but I just can't handle having so many people depend on me anymore. I hate missing so much school and having people in my business. I'd rather have a job where I don't need to arrange substitute plans for absences. Maybe I'll substitute teach a few days a week or something. It all kind of depends on our baby news also. I can't believe that some people try to get pregnant for years. I really feel like it's ruining our life.

Methotrexate

So last Thursday I had to get a couple of shots to dissolve the ectopic pregnancy. Just what I wanted - more shots. I started to miscarry at the family Christmas party in Cedar Rapids, but I'm relieved that my beta numbers are declining so this will all be over with soon.

I can't wait until March when we try again! I'm so ready to be a mommy.

Ultrasound results

Well, it's official. We're going to miscarry. It's still unknown if it's an ectopic or not, but in any case, the pregnancy isn't viable. We'll try again in March or April most likely. Hopefully we'll be in the last trimester at this time next year! I felt bad for the doctor and nurses today because I'm sure this is the part of their job they hate. Everyone was very kind and helpful at least. However, the whole time we were discussing our options there was a gigantic fly flying around our heads. It was a little distracting to us all.

Jon and I are going to hang out the rest of the day. We're planning to go to Blood Diamond and do some miscellaneous shopping. I'm looking forward to getting my body back into shape, not having any shots for a few months, and drinking margaritas again. This really stinks, but I really feel like this will all work out in the end.

Bad News

Yesterday I had another beta done to make sure the numbers are doubling as they should and the news was really bad. I should have had a number at least greater than 120 and it was only 78. That means I may have an ectopic, a baby that isn't developing properly, or a disappearing twin and a slow developer. I'll go in next week for repeat bloodwork and an ultrasound, but it isn't looking like this will be a viable pregnancy. This really stinks! All I want is to be a mom, but every time we get one step forward, something goes wrong. I know we'll get through this somehow though. I'm just very sad.

We're pregnant!

After getting multiple faint lines on home pregnancy tests, I still wasn't too convinced I was pregnant. I wasn't sure if I had a bad batch of tests that were giving evaporation lines or what. I tried a different brand this morning and got a negative before I headed off to my beta. After the blood draw I enjoyed my first caffeine for weeks and felt sorry for myself. About an hour later, Jon called to tell me my hcg results - 62, not 0 like I had thought it would be. What a great surprise! Unfortunately, my estradiol levels are only 61 and the doctors like them to be above 200 so I'm being very cautiously optimistic at this point and taking supplements to help with the estradiol issue. We'll find out on Monday whether my levels are indicative of a healthy pregnancy or an impending miscarriage....talk about nerve-wracking. We'll probably wait to tell the family after we get the results on Monday, but I'm not sure if I'll be able to keep my mouth shut! Overall, this has been one of the best days of my life.