Wow

So yesterday I decided to do a full-on exercise routine and boy am I paying for it today. Here's the back story: In July 2003 I started using The Firm about 4 days a week up until May 2005. My goal was to be in the best shape possible before I would get pregnant in the summer of 2005. I can't believe I ever thought it would be so easy! I was in fantastic shape, not overly thin, but very strong and toned. The reason I stopped is because I didn't have a period for a few months and I was testing to see if my exercise was the problem. Plus, I figured I'd be pregnant soon and I'd do a pregnancy workout instead. Days became weeks, weeks became months and now I'm horribly out of shape and heavier than I've ever been. I've gained about fifteen pounds since we first started to try to get pregnant. I have exercised sporadically since my regular routine stopped, but not enough, obviously. I even have a Gazelle which I use while I watch TV. That's better than sitting around, but I don't even break a sweat in about 45 minutes. I'm going to try to do better until I'm on stims again for IVF. They don't really want you exercising strenuously during a cycle. That has only added to my out of shape problem.

Yesterday we bought all new appliances for our kitchen. It's fun to spend money, but it was a lot. Hopefully it will help our house stand out when we sell it in a few years. Everything is stainless steel Whirlpool. We have reasons for getting rid of our old stuff. The microwave sucked! It was very weak and didn't even have a turntable. The stove has those nasty burners that stick up and are definitely not level, plus the oven handle is all yellowed and cracked. The dishwasher was okay, but the racks came off track a few times. The fridge was fine, but we kind of had to replace it also to make everything match. We didn't really want to buy all white appliances. It would have been less expensive, but it wouldn't have made too much of an aesthetic change. We'll get everything in about a week and a half. Woo hoo!

Stupid body

Even with medication my body isn't predictable. Argh. Hopefully I'll get a period shortly after Feb. 3rd or I'm afraid I might not get to try IVF again until this summer. I don't think I can handle waiting that long emotionally.

In other news, I officially quit my job on Thursday. It's really strange to know I won't be going back next year. I'm sure I'll get more excited near the end of the year. Who knows what I'll be doing instead. Hopefully I'll be pregnant so I don't need to find another "career" and can just find something part-time.

In some weird ways I'll miss my commute next year. I've been listening to books on CD and it makes me look forward to the drive home. The latest book is "Dear Jon" by Nicholas Sparks. He writes such romantic drivel.

Getting out

I told my principal that this is my last year of teaching. He told me they didn't want me to go but respected my position. I've clued him in on everything that's been going on since I've had to have substitutes and not been myself for a long time. It's sad, but I really think it's the right decision. I guess I'm a weird teacher because I'll miss my kids the most. It's so fun to watch them grow and get to know them through the years. Maybe it's because I teach the smart kids?

Another delay

My plans were foiled and I won't get to squeeze into the January/February cycle. It's a long story, but basically I can't do stimulation drugs until March 14th or later because of the methotrexate shots on December 14th. We're on hold until then so I guess it's time to get healthy and enjoy being free.

I'm reading a book called "About What Was Lost" by Jessica Berger Gross. It has twenty stories of women that have been through miscarriages. Boy, there are some messed up ladies in the world. I've always thought of myself as a weakling after having some emotional problems in high school, but now I'm feeling strong in comparison. There are ladies that cry every day for months on end after a miscarriage. I have my bad days, but life does go on. It is helpful for me to read these stories though.

For some reason it IS a little embarassing for people to know that I miscarried. I really don't know why. I think a big part of it is that I don't want to make other people uncomfortable around me. I feel like my infertility and now miscarriage problems kind of put me in a different world from most people. It's hard for people to relate and to know what to say. The other day one of my coworkers came out and asked me how my IVF treatment turned out and I just blurted out the fact that I miscarried. She shut up then. This is one of the ladies that also told me her first child was an antibiotic accident right after I said we'd been trying for a year and a half. Duh! People also love to tell me about friends of friends that got pregnant after they decided to adopt. How do all of these people know that same couple? It's just crazy! Maybe if we'd just relax suddenly all medical problems would disappear. Yeah, that's it.

If you're reading this and you aren't one of my internet friends, then I must be pregnant. How cool! I don't plan on sharing this until it takes a more positive spin. It's okay for people to know about my pain in retrospect, but I don't want people knowing about it while I'm still going through it and don't know if it's going to have a happy ending.

It's time to go watch ER so I'll end here. Jon is all excited because Scrubs is supposed to be a musical next week. Ah, the simple pleasures in life.