Another delay

My plans were foiled and I won't get to squeeze into the January/February cycle. It's a long story, but basically I can't do stimulation drugs until March 14th or later because of the methotrexate shots on December 14th. We're on hold until then so I guess it's time to get healthy and enjoy being free.

I'm reading a book called "About What Was Lost" by Jessica Berger Gross. It has twenty stories of women that have been through miscarriages. Boy, there are some messed up ladies in the world. I've always thought of myself as a weakling after having some emotional problems in high school, but now I'm feeling strong in comparison. There are ladies that cry every day for months on end after a miscarriage. I have my bad days, but life does go on. It is helpful for me to read these stories though.

For some reason it IS a little embarassing for people to know that I miscarried. I really don't know why. I think a big part of it is that I don't want to make other people uncomfortable around me. I feel like my infertility and now miscarriage problems kind of put me in a different world from most people. It's hard for people to relate and to know what to say. The other day one of my coworkers came out and asked me how my IVF treatment turned out and I just blurted out the fact that I miscarried. She shut up then. This is one of the ladies that also told me her first child was an antibiotic accident right after I said we'd been trying for a year and a half. Duh! People also love to tell me about friends of friends that got pregnant after they decided to adopt. How do all of these people know that same couple? It's just crazy! Maybe if we'd just relax suddenly all medical problems would disappear. Yeah, that's it.

If you're reading this and you aren't one of my internet friends, then I must be pregnant. How cool! I don't plan on sharing this until it takes a more positive spin. It's okay for people to know about my pain in retrospect, but I don't want people knowing about it while I'm still going through it and don't know if it's going to have a happy ending.

It's time to go watch ER so I'll end here. Jon is all excited because Scrubs is supposed to be a musical next week. Ah, the simple pleasures in life.