Waiting

We've decided to wait until next fall or winter to try for baby #2. Jon had varicocele surgery in early February and we'll find out if it helped in a couple of months. I have no baby fever right now. I'm loving my sleep! I did think about doing a FET (frozen embryo transfer) this summer, but I'd have to wean Mina by the end of this month and we aren't ready. Who knows if we'll be lucky enough to have more children and I'd hate to cut our time short and then have it not work. Anyway, I'm very, very happy. Mina is pretty darn happy too.

Every Month

Mina has been out in the world for every month of the year and every season. My, how time flies! Where did the last ten months go? I'm content and happy for the most part. Jon is very busy with residency so I'm a single mom more than I'd like at times, but that's what we expected. I'm so glad we didn't wait any longer to start trying. I don't even have baby fever at the moment. Mina has been sleeping well for the last month. We had a tough time in July and August until we had to have her cry it out. That was terrible, but it worked. I'm not in a hurry to sacrifice sleep again.

As far as fertility issues go, we're not preventing, but not really trying right now. AF has made her return (and it was most spectacular if you like horror movies) and Jon is going to have surgery to fix him up in January. After that we might get lucky on our own. We'll see. I'd like to be pregnant again by June 2010 at the latest since that's when Jon is done with residency and we'll move away from our embryos.

So that's my update. Here's a picture of Miss Mina dressed up for her first Halloween. We had a fun time at the park taking pictures and she did some trick or treating to a few neighbors' houses.

The Fever

I have a case of baby fever at the moment. I met my friend Kim's baby boy yesterday and he was so adorable and tiny. I wish I could get pregnant right away. Mina would be 16 months by the time the baby would come. LOL! This will pass in a few days and then I'll be able to stick to my very reasonable plan of waiting.

And now for the TMI: Still no signs of AF and no ovulation. I take my temps sporadically just to see what's going on. Plus, at times there is a small chance of pregnancy if our timing was right. I'd say I'm 100% back to normal for daily activities and 30% back to normal in the bedroom. Maybe I should go to the doctor to see what can be done about the pain at my scar site during certain *ahem* activities. I never expected to still be in pain at more than 6 months out from delivery. Mina was worth it though!

Four Months

Mina is four months old today and life is pretty fantastic. She sleeps 10 hours straight at night, giggles frequently, smiles tons, and snuggles as much as we'll let her. We've been blessed with an easy baby. I appreciate her every day and hate to put her to bed at night because I miss her when I'm not with her. The only negative is that she's scared of strangers already, but that was bound to happen at some point. I'm truly enjoying being a mom and can honestly say she's worth everything we went through to get her and more.

I'm wearing jeans and comfortable in them for the first time today. I had worn them a few times before this, but I didn't button them and they hurt my bottom. I still have a lot of weight to lose. I haven't started exercising (other than walking) and my appetite is alarming. I'm not too worried about it at this point, but I definitely want to get into shape again. Nursing has shed a lot of pounds, but I don't think it's helping anymore.

AF hasn't made an appearance yet and I haven't ovulated. That's okay because the likelihood of me getting pregnant is so low. I don't need to start worrying about that already. I'd love to be pregnant again now. I held my friend Amanda's week old baby and it really made me want another tiny baby immediately. My friend Lynelle is expecting another baby in November so I'll have to live vicariously through her (again).

About 90%

I'd say I'm at about 90% healed now. Yay! Now that the weather is better I'm able to have much more fun with Mina. We went on a nice walk around the lake a couple of days ago. She smiled and cooed at me and I counted my blessings. I am one lucky mommy! She's sleeping well these days. Last night she had a 9.5 hour stretch which was awesome. I'll need to remember this for when we have our next kid - babies are much easier at a little past 2 months and it takes a few months for the body to heal. Here's a picture I took of Mina this morning (right after she had a big blowout in her diaper LOL).

Two Months Out

Things are continuing to go well. Mina is such a delight most of the time. She's really starting to get a personality and laughed for the first time yesterday. She's awake a lot more so we're doing what we can to entertain her. We had a great night last night. She watched Baby Mozart while Jon and I ate a nice dinner together. She snuggled us up and didn't cry for no apparent reason. I even had enough energy to do the laundry, do some shopping, and cook a dinner with side dishes.

I'm still not fully healed as I discovered when I got groceries a few days ago. For some reason, I usually am in so much pain after getting groceries that I cry on my way home. It sucks! It's been two months and I still feel at least some pain each and every day. I miss being able to work out, do normal activity, and be intimate with Jon. Don't get me wrong, Mina is worth it all, but I wasn't expecting the recuperation to take this long. My OB estimated that most of my healing would be done by the end of next week so I hope I continue to get better. In any case, I bought more baggy pants yesterday and some new tennis shoes.

My weight loss has stalled. I'm 7 pounds above my pre-pregnancy weight and I'd like to lose at least 18 pounds. I've had a crazy appetite for sweets lately and have been totally giving in to it so that certainly isn't helping matters. Jon has no idea what kind of yucky stuff I eat during the day. I'm sure he'd be horrified.

I'm so excited that the weather should be getting better soon. It'll be wonderful to go on walks outside! Euclid has been very neglected this winter. I'm also excited that it's almost April. Jon is taking a ton of vacation days in April and we're planning a trip to San Diego. I've never been to California or seen the Pacific Ocean before.

Life is Good

I snuggled Mina in bed for quite a while this morning. It's such a wonderful way to start my day. She smiles at me when I say "good MORNing," to her and she's usually in such a great mood before and after her first feeding. I'm really getting into the groove of things. I'm a better mommy every day. It definitely helps that I'm feeling better. My stitches don't sting anymore and I don't have to take Tylenol every day. I can go to the bathroom without fear of pain. I'm no longer bleeding either. I bet I'll be feeling like myself again in about a month. I'll start to exercise again sometime soon since I still have some weight I'd like to lose (about 18 pounds, 7 to get to my prepregnancy weight).

There are days that I cry from happiness. I feel so lucky to have Mina. Her smiles and coos just undo me. It was such a journey to get here and I'm not taking her for granted. She's my little miracle. Anytime she's fussy I think of my online friend Vicky. Triggers ahead (contains infant loss story). She was due within days of me and conceived with IVF also. She had her little girl via emergency c-section. Tragically, Zara died from meconium aspiration. That really scares me since Mina had expelled meconium and I was minutes from an emergency c-section. It could have so easily been me instead of Vicky mourning the loss of my sweet little girl. It's just too painful to even think about. I am sooooo lucky that I can hardly believe it. I think of Vicky every day. She's such a wonderful woman and it makes no sense to me why these things happen.

Since this post has already turned negative, I wanted to list somewhere while it's all fresh in my mind what I'd like to do differently with my next pregnancy.
-Get a doppler to use at home to hear the heartbeat. I think it would have really calmed me in the time before I felt baby movement and they aren't that expensive.
-Exercise more regularly. Maybe it would have moved Mina into a better position for delivery.
-Don't get my membranes stripped. That put me into labor and maybe Mina would have moved into a better position if she would have been given a few more days.
-Get the epidural sooner rather than later. I was in so much pain and puking that my body wasn't progressing (partly because of the back labor).
-Schedule a c-section if it's determined that the baby is in anterior position. I will not go through back labor and a forceps delivery again.
-Insist on an ultrasound near the end of pregnancy to determine baby's position.
-Get pregnant so that the due date is sometime in the spring or summer. That way I won't be stuck in the house with a small baby and toddler.

I truly enjoyed my pregnancy and there's very little I would change. The labor and delivery is where my regrets lie. However, I had no way of knowing what to expect since we didn't know Mina's position until it was too late.