Still pregnant and crazy

I'm keeping the home pregnancy test companies in business. I took another test today. 5 weeks 4 days and it was a blazing positive. It makes me feel slightly better though. The few people in real life that know I'm pregnant keep asking me if I'm feeling sick, if my boobs hurt, etc. and I'm really feeling normal these days. I have some things that are a little odd, but they aren't things that could definitely be blamed on pregnancy. I almost wish I'd start puking, but then I remind myself how debilitating morning sickness can get for people and how awful it is to be sick. Plus, I don't want people to know I'm pregnant until I see a little heart or two beating.

Prom was this past weekend so I was very busy. We decorated for the dance on Friday night. The theme was "A Red Carpet Affair" and we had a red carpet, red tulle with white lights, balloons to hang, and tables to decorate. It took us about four hours. The dance went fine. No kids caused problems. It took us about 10 minutes to take down all of the decorations. Jon was on call on Saturday so it was good that I had something to occupy my time. Yesterday we went on a picnic with some friends. I got a little bit of a sunburn. We're having wonderful weather, if not a little too hot. It makes me anxious to get out of school. We have about a month left.

Isn't it beautiful?

I know it's silly to test at 5 weeks after getting a blood test, but after the way I felt yesterday I couldn't resist. I feel a lot better now. This test says "very pregnant" not just kind of or maybe.

Freak out!

I guess it's normal to be a little crazy in the first trimester, but as usual, I take things to extremes. I'm just so paranoid! I almost bought more pregnancy tests this afternoon, but the store I was at was out so I guess I shouldn't test anyway. I also took my temperature this morning and it was low. The thing is - I took it after I brushed my teeth instead of taking my basal body temperature. That means nothing, but I took it to heart and was sad all day. I took my prenatal vitamin on an empty stomach just to get that queasy feeling and then didn't eat an afternoon snack either just to get nauseous again. It's crazy to want to feel sick, but I find it reassuring. I'll probably have a huge grin on my face if I start puking. Hopefully I'm not tempting fate to get awful, nonstop morning sickness.

My symptoms aren't anything much to write about. Other than occasional mild nausea, increased CM, increased saliva, sore back, and extreme moodiness, I'm not feeling much of anything. That's normal at this stage, but that's not all that comforting.

I gave my mom a card last night that shared the news and it was very fun to see her face. It was also fun to tell my dad over the phone. He was speechless for a few minutes. Dad is such a softy. It feels good for them to know, but it also makes me a little more worried. If I miscarried before, the only people that would know would be my sisters and internet friends. Now there are more people. However, there are more people to share in the joy. I just have to hope that things turn out great. I don't know when we'll tell Jon's parents now. I want them to know, but I don't like how I'm feeling right now. I love them and want to share with them, but Jon and I are both feeling cautious. It's nuts I guess, but we have reason to be concerned.

I should be all happy and excited today, but I'm kind of a downer, aren't I? Part of it stems from my afternoon. Remember how there's a girl in school that's due a week before my original August due date? Her little baby boy was kicking while she was in my room so people were feeling her tummy and oohing and ahhing. I can only imagine what that would have done to me if things wouldn't have turned around on Monday. It bothered me even though I have my own pregnancy now. I'll never forget that little angel.

Good things can happen!

My hcg level increased to 263 today so that means my hcg doubling time is 1.89 days. A doubling time of 2-3 days is normal so 1.89 days is fantastic. I might just get a baby out of this. My first ultrasound is scheduled for 8:30am on May 10th. There had better be a heartbeat!

I had a terrible weekend. Last night it was storming and we nicknamed the embryos "thunder and lightning" so it was really heartbreaking to see and hear a storm thinking my little embryos were both dying. I told them I loved them and goodbye. I also prayed for strength to cope with whatever happens. I really wasn't expecting good news today at all.

We're going to tell the grandparents-to-be our news tomorrow. I'm excited. I know it's early, but I really want them to share in our joy as much as possible, even if things don't turn out perfectly. I'm especially happy to announce our pregnancy to Jon's parents since he's an only child. They'll be wonderful grandparents and they're wonderful in-laws.

I'm feeling very blessed and lucky today.

It's not looking good.

My blood pregnancy test was this morning and I am pregnant indeed. However, my estradiol level is low like last time so it's very likely I'll miscarry or have another ectopic. I'm taking estradiol pills that could help, but I have very little hope. I'll go in for another blood test on Monday which will really tell the tale. Why me? When will I ever be happy again?

So far, so good.

Testing in the morning

Tomorrow is 12 days since retrieval so I'm going to take a digital home pregnancy test in the morning. I hope I can sleep tonight. Obviously I want to see a positive, but a negative could just mean I'm too early. I'm so nervous because I just don't know what I'm going to do with myself if it didn't work this time around. I might need to get some counseling to cope with my issues.

There isn't much of anything else going on with me. We're starting to decorate for prom this week. Woohoo (sarcasm)! I love staying after school and not getting paid much extra. I hope they don't need me to lift anything because I don't want to have to give some lame excuse that starts up rumors.

The weather has finally turned nice again so we're enjoying the outdoors with Euclid. It'll be fun getting our landscaping and patio done this summer. At least we aren't moving like last year. That's a bunch of unneeded stress.

Until tomorrow...