Chickening Out

We went ahead and tried to get pregnant this cycle. I have baby fever. I have baby fever bad. I'm also scared of all the stress and pain of doing the FET. Ten weeks of shots to the butt are no joke.

If we're pregnant, then my due date is October 22, 2012. That's totally against the plan, but oh well. It would be cool to have a baby on 10/11/12 and Mina could be semi-helpful to have around a couple of days a week since she won't be in kindergarten until the following year.

I'll be fine with not being pregnant though and going with the original plan. We'll see. I'm currently 5dpo so I'll start testing in 5 days. Eek!

Timeline

I went and used the handy due date calculator to figure out what timeline we're looking at (because I kept doing it in my head, over and over again). I'd like a due date between March 1, 2013 and September 1, 2013. That means the transfer (or ovulation if the FET doesn't work) needs to occur between June 8, 2012 and December 9, 2012. That's our window for baby #3. If we don't get pregnant in that space of time, then Mina and Charlotte aren't getting another sibling. :)

Approved!

Jon agrees with me. He wants to try for a third next summer with our final embryos. I hope it works so we don't have to figure out anything further! I'm excited. :)

Ache

I'm starting to feel the ache. I want another baby. There. I said it. Every time I look in the mirror while I'm holding Charlotte, I realize that she's not a baby anymore. Mina is so easy now. She'd be a big help by the time we'd have another kid. She'd be all for it. Simon is waiting for me.

Now I'm thinking it would be ideal to try to get pregnant to be due in the late spring of 2013. That gives us a FET timeline in the late summer of 2012....just a little over a year away. Charlotte will be over 3 when the baby comes and will be starting preschool when the baby starts to get mobile. Both of the older girls would be old enough to be easy for someone (grandparents or daddy) to take out and about so I could rest or bond with the little one. I think it would be great timing.

But what if it doesn't work and I get my heart set on another baby? Am I willing to try and try and try for another baby. What if Charlotte was a complete fluke and our fertility hasn't actually changed? Should we, could we, stand by letting the FET work and accepting if it doesn't work without trying more? I don't know. I'm scared of being consumed and heart broken again. I don't want my existing children to be hurt in the process.

Jon seems to be more accepting of having another baby. He was very against it for a while. The other night he started a sentence with, "If you are pregnant again..." Will he be as excited as me about another baby? My dad had to get talked into having me and he's been in love with me since before I was born. I'm a third child. Maybe that's part of why I want three?

I don't know. I'm just glad we have a year to decide this stuff!

Miracle Day 2011

We celebrated Miracle Day yesterday. We didn't make a big deal of it, but I did post about it on Facebook. Here's a screenshot.I got a little choked up thinking about how the embryos are still in Iowa City. If we don't give them a shot at life, then I think I'll be upset about them every April 5th. Our plan continues from the last post so we're in a holding pattern. I'd be equally happy with having one more child and being done. I'm sure I'd be absolutely in love and excited about a third, but having only two would be easier. I guess we'll see what happens. I'm just so thankful for the children we have. We're happy.

Tentative Decision

After feeling like we're done having kids for a while, I've changed my mind. I think I'd like another. I mean, my kids are so cute and hilarious, why not have another?Plus, I think I'd always feel bad if we didn't give those final embryos a shot at life. So, here's my current plan: FET in November/December of 2012. That would give a due date of late summer 2013. Mina will start kindergarten that fall. Charlotte will start preschool for a couple of days a week. I think the timing sounds ideal.

I don't have my heart set on another kid so we'll just do the one FET and if it works - great. If it doesn't work, then that's fine too. We won't try the old fashioned way. God will decide whether or not we should have a third and I'll just leave it up to the man upstairs. I'm happy either way. There are definitely advantages to being done. However, I'd love to have a little Simon or Anita running around some day. After all, I'm a third child.

Pressing Our Luck?

We love our girls, but right now we're complete with two. I don't know if that's going to change. Maybe we will leave some embryos behind after all? I'd rather enjoy my girls and not have to go through the baby stage again.