Ache

I'm starting to feel the ache. I want another baby. There. I said it. Every time I look in the mirror while I'm holding Charlotte, I realize that she's not a baby anymore. Mina is so easy now. She'd be a big help by the time we'd have another kid. She'd be all for it. Simon is waiting for me.

Now I'm thinking it would be ideal to try to get pregnant to be due in the late spring of 2013. That gives us a FET timeline in the late summer of 2012....just a little over a year away. Charlotte will be over 3 when the baby comes and will be starting preschool when the baby starts to get mobile. Both of the older girls would be old enough to be easy for someone (grandparents or daddy) to take out and about so I could rest or bond with the little one. I think it would be great timing.

But what if it doesn't work and I get my heart set on another baby? Am I willing to try and try and try for another baby. What if Charlotte was a complete fluke and our fertility hasn't actually changed? Should we, could we, stand by letting the FET work and accepting if it doesn't work without trying more? I don't know. I'm scared of being consumed and heart broken again. I don't want my existing children to be hurt in the process.

Jon seems to be more accepting of having another baby. He was very against it for a while. The other night he started a sentence with, "If you are pregnant again..." Will he be as excited as me about another baby? My dad had to get talked into having me and he's been in love with me since before I was born. I'm a third child. Maybe that's part of why I want three?

I don't know. I'm just glad we have a year to decide this stuff!